“No loss is felt more keenly than the loss of what might have been. No nostalgia hurts as much as nostalgia for things that never existed,” says Rabih Alameddine in one of his poignant novels, and his words strike a chord, especially during the holidays. As another year takes a bow at the stroke of midnight, it is easy for many of us to succumb to grief for what we have never tasted. Those of us that lost what is cherished can feel homesick for times that might never come again.

Much of our society—as well as our inner emotional landscape—is molded by unrealistic family ideals. The holidays can serve up dark times and memories for those that have struggled through a dysfunctional dynamic, and can trigger trauma. Isolating ourselves and turning down invitations might seem like the only way of coping, but there is a fine line between being a prisoner of the past and living joyously in the present.

The willingness to create fresh memories or start new traditions with loved ones can be a soul-soothing balm. For those traversing a solitary path, novel activities and social gatherings can provide something to look forward to during the festive season. Feeding pigeons in the park, gifting a delicious dessert to a mail carrier, attending a religious service or having a winter picnic can help us find a sweet spot that tempers the holiday blues.

Although the world is decked with festive reminders, some people mourn a rapidly changing society, but we can maintain surer footing when we remind ourselves to tap into beauty within reach, change monotonous customs and move forward while looking back with nostalgia.

Marlaina Donato is an author, painter and composer. Connect at WildflowersandWoodsmoke.com

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